Compulsive Sexual Behaviours: Sex, Love and Porn
There is much discussion around the terminology used for behaviours associated with individuals relationships with sex, porn and love:
| compulsive sexual behaviour | sex/porn/love addiction | problematic sex/porn use | out of control sexual behaviour | hypersexuality | sexual compulsion | sexual dependency | ....
The language and/or labels used is not always useful and can create and perpetuate shame and stigmatisation making it a bigger challenge for individuals to talk about and/or seek help.
What is important is assessing the impact this is having on your life and understanding your relationship with your sexual behaviours and realigning these in a way that fits with you and your true sense of self.
Key areas of work include:
You may be have compulsive sexual behaviour (CSB) if you experience sexual urges or impulses leading to repetitive sexual behaviour, which you find difficult to control. (See below the definition from the ICD-11). Part of our work together will be identifying the causes, influences, functions and motivations that have developed and maintained your sexual behaviours to date.
Your CSB may have a negative impact on certain aspects of your life, such as work, family, your other significant relationships, as well as other interests. This will be something we identify together and from there we will look at what changes you may want to make, drawing on a range of different 'tools' to best meet your goals for this work.
There are lots of online sex and porn assessment tools – please be aware these tend to be extremely generalised and there is no evidence to back up the judgements clearly visible in them. For example, questions relating to how frequently you participate in a sexual activity – the assessment will assume there is a right or wrong amount of time. This is not dependant on anyone other than what is right for you without causing you distress or feeling it is out of control.
These assessments can be stigmatising and can cause shame through labelling people.
Shame is common for many people living with compulsive sexual behaviours. Shame can cause a number of issues which makes us to want to isolate ourselves, hide or deny our realities. Fuelled by fear of judgement from others, it impacts on our internal judgement of self and can make it harder to start the process of getting appropriate help.
There is often shame and distress associated with CSB, and this is usually due to the societal view on sexual behaviour/pleasure in general. Our work will take into consideration your ethics, moral position and cultural views and explore these in line with your sexual template, so you are able to feel less shame about your choices.
This is a no shame environment. My aim is to create a working relationship built on trust, where we can address any shame you feel and work towards minimising this. Shame thrives in secrecy and working through this in a safe environment is the start of reducing the impacts of it on you and your relationships.
My approach = empathy, compassion and shame-free sexual-health
The focus of our work will start from understanding what feels right for you and what is causing you distress.
We will assess together your feeling around your current problems, concerns, relating to your behaviour. Along with this we will consider life stresses, coping strategies, attachments, unmet needs, etc. to better understand what needs lie beneath your current sexual behavioural patterns.
If you identify unwanted sexual behaviours, we will work together to support you as you find new ways to fulfil and enrich life. You may need support with urges and techniques to manage impulse control (this is something that many clients need support with).
We will explore your erotic identity / sexual template, understanding this may help to reduce any shame and/or conflict you are experiencing. My role is not to change your erotic identity / sexual template but work with you to better understand it and empower you within it.
Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (CSB): Sex - Porn - Love
ICD-11 (International Classification of Disease) - Compulsive sexual behaviour disorder:
“Compulsive sexual behaviour disorder is characterised by a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behaviour. Symptoms may include repetitive sexual activities becoming a central focus of the person’s life to the point of neglecting health and personal care or other interests, activities and responsibilities; numerous unsuccessful efforts to significantly reduce repetitive sexual behaviour; and continued repetitive sexual behaviour despite adverse consequences or deriving little or no satisfaction from it. The pattern of failure to control intense, sexual impulses or urges and resulting repetitive sexual behaviour is manifested over an extended period of time (e.g., 6 months or more), and causes marked distress or significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Distress that is entirely related to moral judgments and disapproval about sexual impulses, urges, or behaviours is not sufficient to meet this requirement.”
A pattern of behaviour characterised by compulsive participation or engagement in sexual activity, particularly sexual intercourse, despite negative consequences, including a negative impact on relationships and well-being. Often this behaviour is emotionally distressing rather than fulfilling.
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