Sex Positive
Sex positivity is considered an ideology seated within feminist theory and something that is pivotal in my work as a psychotherapist working with Compulsive Sexual Behaviour (CSB).
Originating in the 1980’s, following the observation of Vern Bullough about sex positive and sex negative societies whilst documenting the history of stigmatized sexual behaviour throughout Western Culture (1976) the ideology was established.
Sex positivity is focused on the following: open communication, being non-judgemental and reducing embarrassment around sex and sexuality. This is underpinned with an understanding of consent, acceptance, pleasure, desire, and sexual health. It challenges dehumanising attitudes and language.
Working in a way that does not encompass the above is sex-negativity and creates shame by developing negative narratives related to sex and sexuality (sexism, homophobia, slut shaming, racism, false information about sex, etc.).
Sex positivity for me is first and foremost working without judgement. Being sex positive for me doesn’t mean I think we should all be having more sex. I do not view sex as good or bad and I don’t judge what is ok and what isn’t.
When judgement is brought, shame is created.
Working as a psychotherapist in the field of CSB, sex positivity is a key part of my work. This translates to:
accepting one’s choices are one’s own,
understanding an individual’s values, needs, wants, etc.
supporting clients in understanding and accepting their own sexual templates
importantly this includes those who have chosen celibacy or whose sexual identity and/or orientation mean they do not participate in a sexual relationship with self or with other(s)
it is a means to promote and encourage an open, and accepting, shame-free approach for individuals to seek full and enriching sexual experiences for themselves, whilst being open to and accepting of others’ choices regarding their own sexual identity, orientation, and behaviour, based on consent.
‘‘The belief that all consensual expressions of sexuality are valid’’
(Kimmes, et al, 2015), is a definition that most aligns with my approach.
Currently there is no universally agreed definition of what ‘sex positivity’ is, but I feel very aligned to the one written by Silva Neves (2021) I have developed my own statement based on his:
Acceptance: Other people’s sexual preferences (providing they are legal and consensual) are their own choices and are to be respected – this includes the choice not to have sex.
Boundaries: Sexual boundaries should be discussed and agreed. These are an individual’s right and should be respected.
Curiosity: To remain open and explore without judgment sexuality and sexual templates (desires, thoughts, fantasies, arousals and behaviours) and to actively seek to expand my knowledge and understanding of these.
Embracing: the wide range of gender, sexuality and relationship diversity. All body shapes are celebrated and are worthy of pleasure.
Health: sexual health is focused on pleasurable and safe sex free of coercion, discrimination and violence.
Pleasure: can be sought and exercised in line with sexual rights of equality, non-discrimination, autonomy and bodily integrity.
Celebrate: through actively promoting sex positivity (me being me and you being you) without shame or awkwardness.
Challenge: sex negative attitudes and beliefs.